DEALING WITH GRIEF DURING THE HOLIDAYS

My mother suffered from Lupus (autoimmune disease) most of her adult life. I remember when she was diagnosed after months of testing. She was experiencing numbness in her arms, migraines, and hair loss. When she was diagnosed my parents let my brother and I know, we were both under the age of 10. Kenton was 3 and I was eight years old – too young to truly understand the magnitude of the debilitating disease.

It wasn’t until fifth grade that I noticed my mother’s illness caused her to have no energy on the weekends. I wanted to go out like we previously did on the weekends and shop. However, some weekends she was unable to do so. She was trying to preserve her energy so she could make it to work on Monday morning. There were several times throughout my teenage years where my mom’s health became concerning. She would be hospitalized and during one of the flair ups she almost passed away.

During my twenties and early thirties my mother experienced many good times. She was fortunate enough to retire early and travel with my father to several islands and cities across the country. My mother enjoyed visiting my brother and me in Maryland. She would stay with me for a week or two and after work I would take her shopping and out to eat. We even had the opportunity to catch a few concerts and attend a taping of Wendy Williams.

In late 2016, that’s when it took a turn for the worst. My mother fell at a movie theater and broke her arm. She was able to recover from that fall but it seemed like the trauma she experienced somehow opened the door for other ailments to attack her body. Not less than four months after her arm healed – she had an ulcer that appeared on her left leg. After a year of surgeries and visiting specialists, my mother was bed ridden. She lost her appetite and ended up losing over 50lbs. My mother later passed away October 9, 2017 at a rehabilitation center from cardiac arrest.

Last holiday season (which was only a couple months after my mom passed away) was extremely hard, but I was determined to honor my mother’s memory and host dinner like she used to enjoy. My father had a panic attack on Thanksgiving day, and was taken to the hospital. Things improved around the Christmas holiday, and we decided to pass on dinner and celebrate the holiday with a brunch.

My mother (Melody) and I attending a taping of Wendy William's in NYC. Picture taken: May 19, 2016

This year I hosted Thanksgiving at my new home. It was an intimate group who attended dinner, my father, brother, and one of his friends. We laughed, ate, and drank. Throughout dinner many comments about my mother surfaced. Although we are not able to physically spend time with my mom – honoring her memory and legacy helps my family to get through the holidays. I’ve learned that it’s okay to cry or have moments of self-reflecting but it’s also important to be present in the moment and continue living your life as your loved one would have wanted. Many prayers and kisses to those who have recently or are still mourning the loss of a loved one.